How could I navigate a situation in which my crush from almost 2 years, who I was cheating on my boyfriend at the time with. Who I saw briefly after I had broken my relationship off, to then him breaking up with my from our, very brief, encounters, to asking me if I am free and wanting to see me
Maybe if I'm completely evil and treat him as a friend he'll be really into it. The worst part of it all is the ball game with each other. Plus do I even really want a boyfriend? More so: city bound, free, heart on sleeve
Would someone I was into 2 years ago be able to tie me down. Entrap me. Rid me of my freedom. Make me happy. Fuck me positively.
Let me also add this was the best fuck I've ever had. Maybe it was the adrenaline from cheating on my ex but I've never came like I did that night
Can just one fucking person let me control the narrative of my life. Fidgety antsy irritable. I'm beginning to feel like my brother.
I have the sudden urge to cry. Nothing is really making me upset but I have no appetite despite being quite hungry. I'm gonna drink some water to feel full. Maybe it's because for the part three days I've felt my heartbeat out of my chest. My sense of hopelessness. I thought Virginia would help but now I'm just not doing anything and my mother stresses me out. My homelessness really isn't helping. Maybe if I wasn't listening to the ominous playlist I made yesterday I'd feel less pressure (Beatles Revolution 9 and Bowie's Andy Warhol)
The best I can describe my situation is how Waldo Jeffers felt in that seven minute Velvet Underground song where he's separated from his girlfriend for the summer and all he has to show is two phone calls and the urge to mail himself across the country.
My favorite of Kafka's aphorisms
"From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached"
"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die"
"A cage went in search of a bird"
"In a certain sense the Good offers no comfort"
"In the past I didn't understand why I got no answer to my question; today I don't understand how I could believe I was entitled to ask. But I didn't really believe, I only asked."
REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE
I must tell, I don't think trannies have the capacities to be loved. or get married. It's self inflicted. Its an honest opinion. Not a true one I didn'y say that just something that persists my mind. What I can say for certain is:
We scored our dream apartment on
Myste
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The photographer called me in true summer fashion as I'd imagined it months ago (I had realized once he broke up with me we would've been much more compatible in the summer anyway)
Fruition
It's all in the plan its all true
And if need be Oliver can stay with me in my new very own mine all me mine and Billy billy and I's brand new sparkling dream place. two weeks alone. two weeks dreaming. Two best weeks of my life.
A week and a half to figure everything out. It's possible. Dreaming in the air tonight. Crisp yet humid. Smiling and beautiful. High and anxious. Tenacious and fortuitus.
Googles
whats the best manifestation tactic?
In high school my friend taught me to do a love spell by writing their name on a sheet of paper, kissing it with lipstick, and spraying it with Glossier You.Myst erynyay never liked me back. Then he won best dressed for senior superlative. Whatever.
Maybe I should've watched all those manifestation videos and articles my mom has sent me.
Googles
whats the best manifestation tactic reddit
Law of attraction
Scripting
sleepy dreamTime
Digital manifestation? Everywhere matters.
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Billy and I will live on
Myste
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Billy and I live on
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I live on
Myste
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I love living on
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Things to accomplish in two weeks:
Score
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Read the three books I checked out at the library this afternoon
Sell everything I've ever owned on depop (you can reach me
here if interested)